


In the Pauses

by helsinkibaby



Category: Press Gang
Genre: Break Up, Canon Het Relationship, F/M, Introspection, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-08-09
Updated: 2004-08-09
Packaged: 2020-07-28 05:37:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20058910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helsinkibaby/pseuds/helsinkibaby
Summary: Spike's thoughts in the final scene of "Yesterday's News"





	In the Pauses

**Author's Note:**

> For the LiveJournal 15minuteficlets challenge #67 – “pause” Three weeks, three Press Gang ficlets. Anyone see a theme?

Spike knows he’s in trouble when Lynda pauses before she answers. Which wasn’t that big a surprise to him; after all, he’d known how this was going to play out. Isn’t that why he’s delayed having this conversation so long?

It’s been two weeks since his favourite record shop blew up around him.

Two weeks since he nearly died.

Two weeks since he spent hours talking to someone who did die.

Two weeks since his head realised what his heart already knew; that he was totally, completely, irrevocably, now and forever, in love with Lynda Day.

Two weeks he’d been trying to tell her that.

Now, in the pause between him telling her, asking her how she felt about him, he wishes that he’d never realised it, that he’d never started this conversation at all. Because not alone is he close to bawling all over her like some big baby, but he evidently isn’t going to get the kind of answer he was looking for.

Figures that the one thing he’s ever wanted, he’d find a way to screw it up.

Finally, she speaks.

“I care about you. A lot.”

It’s something, but it’s not good enough, and he doesn’t pause before replying. “I love you.”

She tries again, and this time, he sees something he never thought he’d see – Lynda Day, near tears. “You’re very important to me.”

He can feel his own tears nearing. “I love you.”

The pause that follows feels like it lasts forever, but when she finally speaks, he wishes that it had.

“I’m sorry.”

Spike’s heard the expression “heartbreak” before, always thought that it was some abstract notion, something exaggerated by love-struck girls.

Now he knows better.

He knows better and he knows Lynda, and he knows this conversation is over.

Just like he knows it’s not the only thing that’s over.

He goes over to his desk, busying himself with taking his walkman out of his drawer, slamming it shut with more force than is really necessary, walking past her, standing there, staring at the desk, silent. He’s heading for the door, but he turns on his way there, looks at her one more time…

And pauses.

In that pause, that instant, he wants to take her in his arms, tell her that he doesn’t want to lose her, that it’s ok that she doesn’t love him, or won’t say the words. (Because this is Lynda. She has to love him; she just doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of being right.)

In that pause, he wants to take back everything they’ve just said and done, but he knows he can’t.

“What d’y’know Boss? We’re yesterday’s news.”

A quip to break the silence, to cover the sound of his heart breaking, his resolve weakening, but still she does not move.

One more pause, then he turns and walks away.


End file.
